Monday, June 16, 2008

First Father's Day Without Grandpa

My sister and brother-in-law visited Omaha, Nebraska, last week to visit family. Omaha also happens to be where our grandfather is buried. He just passed away last October, so it was the first they've had to visit his grave. They made a special trip to the cemetery, cleaned the headstone, which was muddy from all of the recent storms, and left him a Hershey bar. My grandfather spent most of his life working for Hershey Foods ... so anyone who knows him would understand why there is a Hersey bar at his grave.

I thought it was really sweet that they took the time to visit and thought about making a meaningful gesture. My sister even took care to get a white chocolate bar, much safer than milk chocolate for any wild animal that might eat it (which is probably what will happen to the bar, realistically).

It made my mom tear up to hear about it. I think it was a little hard for her, her first Father's Day without her dad.


Shai Hulud said...

when mother's day rolls around, i just try to stay away from it as best i can. i'm not ready to make some sort of rememberance day out of it yet. although, i can see that happening eventually. its hard though, when people who dont know me, like barristas or store clerks, ask me if i'm doing anything special for my mom. sometimes i just smile and say yeah. sometimes, i tell them that she's gone. it depends ont he mood i guess. like sometimes, i feel like they should know and mourn her too...if only in that moment.

Jessica Knapp said...

You know, I don't think it would have occurred to me to make a gesture. He just passed in October, and I found the whole situation really stressful and awful. So, if I had gone to the grave, it just been to see what it felt like to be there.

Mother's Day would be awful. There's so much more build-up ... so much more advertising. Father's Day isn't as commercialized, so I'll bet you can escape it a lot easier. Well, if we lived in the same city, I would bring you cupcakes and coffees and feel sad with you on Mother's Day.

I know that feeling though. Sometimes I wish I could just make people be in the same mood as me and understand what I'm feeling/thinking without communicating it to them because, when you're in certain states, it just feels too hard to bring them to you—you just wish they could look at you and know.

Anonymous said...

What is weird for me when I went to Grandpa's grave I didn't feel sad. I thought I was going to start crying in the car, but mainly I felt sad for other that were around other graves, because they were kneeling and crying.
And here was Shogo and I with water buckets up singing to grandpa's grave while we cleaned up. I was laughing at Shogo too because when he had to get water his said sorry to every grave he walked over, every time! It took him five minutes to get more water. He would walk, stop, bow, say sorry, and then step on them. I told him they weren't listening because why would they be hanging around a grave yard!? Shogo said, " you are right, I am sure grandpa is in Missouri with grandma right now."
And we took a few photos, looked around, said we love you and our goodbyes, and then we left.
I couldn't of asked for a better experience.
I am a lucky person.

Jessica Knapp said...

That's so sweet. I'm really glad it was a happy moment for you.