Online Estate Planning

NPR aired an interesting story this week about the legal battles that can ensue over email accounts, domain names, etc., after a person has passed away. 

A text version of the piece points out: "... few people have taken steps to plan for their digital afterlife. It's not yet common for people to include their online information in their wills, [John] Dozier [Jr.] says. And even if they did, and the properties were legally transferred to the beneficiaries, terms-of-service agreements on sites like Gmail and Facebook typically prohibit the use of an account by anyone other than the original owner, he says."

It's undoubtedly something we'll hear more about in the future as the portion of the population that has greater web presence begins to age. But man, it would never have occurred to me to include email passwords in my will. 

SympathyTree.com

We've talked about cyber-afterlife before on this blog, but in the realm of MySpace pages, something created by an individual that simply remains up after they die and then becomes a sort of de facto tribute to them, after the fact.

But what about using the technology for a more purposeful memorial? Such options are out there. I had the opportunity earlier this week to speak with Louise Zweben, CEO of SympathyTree.com, a company that allows users to create online memorials.

It's a fascinating site, and I recommend everyone check it out, at least for a quick parusal.

There are two immediate benefits available from this type of memorial, benefits that Louise has consciously worked to create.

First, due to the one-to-many and even many-to-many nature of social network communication, information can be posted on one of the sites and instantly dispersed to family all over the world. When someone passes away, there are lots of logistics that need to be communicated to family and friends—where is the funeral, where should everyone donate money, where should they buy flowers, what hotel is the immediate family at, etc. With a memorial site, the immediate family can designate a single person, or a couple of people, to post the relevant information, spread the site address, and then interested parties can simply log in to see all information as it is updated. Clunky phone trees are not necessary. Multiple, emotionally taxing phone conversations can be avoided. Brilliant, right?

Second, the site allows the family and friends to tell the complete story of the deceased: their life and their death. Louise says, "It starts a conversation about the person's life." Users have a choice to make the site public or private. If public, anyone can read the site and comment. If private, viewers and commentators are limited to those selected by the site's moderator. You'll notice on the public sites, there are photos and stories. People share anecdotes and memories.

After my grandfather died, one of my favorite moments was going through all of the cards everyone left at his funeral. Many people wrote about great things he had done for them, things my parents, my grandmother, my aunt and uncle didn't know about. Some shared funny stories. If this was done on a memorial site, everyone who had access to the site could share in the joy that we felt reading about my grandfather's best moments.

Also, something I like better about this type of site than the MySpace site, it is honest about time and tense. The person has died, and the site starts out telling the story of their complete life and death. There is no incomplete, weird forever alive in cyberspace feeling like you get with MySpace pages of people who have died.

I have more to say about SympathyTree.com than I can reasonably fit in one post. So, I will be adding more later ... but these are my first thoughts. Please check out the site and let me know what you think.

Cyber-afterlife and MyDeathSpace.com

So, more on this topic since it seems to have sparked some interest in my previous post. First, MySpace's policy on death: There essentially is no official policy. However, if a member dies and a family member requests to have their page removed, MySpace will comply. Otherwise, the page remains as either an eerie or loving tribute—depending on how you view the matter.

Second, I've been reading a little about a MySpace-piggyback website called MyDeathSpace.com. (Salon wrote a pretty comprehensive article about them last July.) The site finds on its own and has members submit news stories that relate the deaths of people with MySpace pages. They then post a photo and brief details of that person's death, sorted by a map feature. Each death is marked by a cartoonish little figure of a ghoul, or something like that. (The red figures represent people charged with murder). People can leave comments on MyDeathSpace.com or link directly to the person's MySpace page. You might also check out the forums if you're interested. In it, people will go over specific deaths, trying to piece together all of the details they can find—photos from MySpace and online searches, newspaper articles, etc. They seem genuinely interested in finding out all of the details they can about a person's death, although I'm not sure to what end.

If you thought it was strange going to a deceased stranger's MySpace page randomly, linking through this site will make your stomach bottom out. I have to say, I'm pretty comfortable talking about death, but looking at this site and just absorbing how ambivalent it is about the deaths of all of these people, it really does make me a little physically ill.

Cyber-afterlife

What happens to our social networking sites when we die? Well, in many cases, they just stay up, floating around the web, giving us a sort of cyber-afterlife. Take Sean for example, a friend of mine from college. He passed away a couple of years ago, far too young, from cancer. And his MySpace page is still online.

http://www.myspace.com/fryfan

Occasionally, friends will visit it to leave comments, reminiscing about how much they miss him. One person stopped by to tell him she had met a mutual friend she hadn't had the opportunity to know before he passed. Another friend left a comment saying he would have liked the movie "Little Miss Sunshine." It must make friends feel like they still have some sort of relationship with Sean.

I assume we'll only see more of this as social networking sites are with us longer. I can see where some people might find it an eerie trend, but I find it comforting in an odd way.